Giving In
by Coltsbro
Summary: Commander Shepard found herself immediately attracted to Kaidan Alenko when they first met when assigned to the Normandy. However, the introduction of a new crew member has her doubting herself and what she wants. What will she do? Stay loyal, or explore new options?


Commander Shepard sat in the mess hall, rubbing her temples. With a groan, she let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. She had just fought with Kaidan for the fourth time this week, and she was quickly growing tired of it. It seemed like a never ending cycle with him. They would hang out and have a great time for a while, and then they would fight over nothing. It had gotten to the point where the tiniest thing that he did wrong would set her off, and they would start an argument. _I see why they try to crack down on fraternization between crew-members., especially officers and their subordinates. _She heard familiar footsteps coming from the elevator and already knew who was coming.

"Not now, Kaidan," Shepard groaned, not wanting to deal with the man after they just fought. She knew that he most likely wanted to apologize, but that still didn't change her mind on not wanting to be around him for the moment. Sometimes she just needed to be left alone, and she didn't need her private business out in the open for everyone to see, not that they didn't already know.

Shepard's eyes gazed toward the med-bay and she zoned out. She thought of the person who resided in the small medical lab, Dr. Liara T'Soni. She thought nothing of the asari at first, simply viewing her as someone who could help bring down Saren. Eventually, though, that all changed when she caught Liara staring at her on several occasions. _I should make an effort to talk to her more, I hardly even know anything about her_.

"Are you even listening to me, Shepard?" Kaidan asked, rather irritated with her.

Shepard stared back at him blankly. _Shit, he's gonna be pissed_. One of Kaidan's biggest pet peeves was not being listened to. She honestly tried to listen to him, but sometimes the man just rambled on about random things she had no interest in. She knew it was rude of her to do it, but sometimes she just needed to zone out to not be bored to death. "Sorry, must be tired from the last mission. Could you tell me again?" she lied, trying to keep things civil. She didn't want another fight breaking out in the middle of the mess hall.

Kaidan gave her a frustrated glare, and she instantly knew that he was trying not to yell at her. "It wasn't anything important. I'm worried about you. You've been strange ever since we started this mission."

Shepard let out a laugh. _Strange is just the beginning of it_. The second that she felt that Liara was interested in her more than in a friendly way, her head went into a tailspin. Doubt became a constant companion, whispering things in her ear that made her question the current state of her life. Randomly she would become extremely pissed off at Kaidan for just the littlest thing, and often acted hostile when he was around. Not wanting to talk about it with Kaidan, she just shrugged instead. "Guess the stress of saving the galaxy from a crazed turian does that to a person."

Kaidan immediately gave her a concerned frown. "You don't have to shoulder all the burden. We're all here to help you."

"Yes, you're here to _help_," Shepard corrected him. She hated when people tried to say they could take the burden away from her. "I am still in _command_ of this mission. I still have to lead all of you, and it is on me personally to end this. So yes, Kaidan, I have to shoulder all the weight."

There was a flash of anger in Kaidan's eyes, and Shepard hoped that she had pissed him off enough for him to leave, but her wish was not granted and he stood firmly put. "You say that, but we can be here to dust you off, help you blow off some steam, and cover your back the whole way."

Shepard sighed and lowered her head. _He's right, but sometimes that's not what I need._ "I appreciate all that, but sometimes I just need to be alone. Like now," Shepard added, making sure that Kaidan got the hint.

Kaidan stood there for several moments, staring at her with a conflicted look on his face. Finally, he relaxed his posture and let out a disappointed sigh. "Fine. This conversation isn't over, though," he said, turning around and leaving the mess.

"Yes, it is," Shepard muttered to herself as he left. Alone, she now was finally free to become lost in her thoughts, creating a mental escape from the stresses of real life. Turning around on her seat, she placed her elbows on the table behind her and let her head hang back slightly, enjoying the relaxation the position brought to her. She didn't know why, but her mind kept drifting to the med-bay. A fantasy kept playing in her head of her being shot while on a mission, and waking up in the med-bay to Liara sitting next to her bed, and it brought the cheesiest smile to her face. _Perhaps I'll let one of the geth get lucky next time, just to see if it'd happen,_ she pondered to herself. Immediately, she felt her sour mood being washed away in her thoughts and dreams.

After several moments, she felt more relaxed, but she also had a dull, throbbing sensation of guilt swelling within her. Thinking about someone else while she was already in a relationship with someone else was a completely different experience for her, and it bothered her. She found herself conflicted on what to do about it, and honestly didn't know what she wanted. She thought she had been happy with Kaidan before, but now she didn't know how she felt.

Her relaxation ruined, Shepard sat forward, frustrated, until she gazed over toward the entrance to the med-bay. She caught Liara's eyes, clearly looking toward her. The asari immediately blushed and rushed into the med-bay, trying to make it seem like she had not been staring. She let the asari go, but immediately her head began to race with thoughts of Liara. She tried to suppress her raging fantasies and ideas, but it proved to be pointless. Standing up, she brushed off her uniform and strode toward the med-bay. _Fuck it_.

* * *

Liara, feeling hungry, left her lab and studies to get something from the mess. She hoped at this hour there wouldn't be too many members of the crew also eating, as she became nervous and anxious around large crowds. She had never been good with people, and being forced into a small ship only worsened the situation. However, as time passed she became more comfortable around most members of the crew, but things like the crowded mess still made her uneasy. Stepping out of the med-bay, she instantly heard Kaidan's raised voice and thought to just wait it out, until she heard Shepard's voice reply.

From the moment that Liara had laid eyes on Shepard, she knew she was attracted to the human female. While she had never been in a relationship before, her own research and talks with the few friends on Thessia she had confirmed that she indeed felt something romantic for the human commander. Not knowing who else to confide in, Liara talked things over with Dr. Chakwas, who gently told her that Shepard and Kaidan had been in a relationship together for a while. The news crushed her, and while she tried to avoid Shepard, knowing that she would never have what she wanted with the woman, she could not stop herself from gazing and letting fantasies run rampant in her head.

"Are you even listening to me, Shepard?" Liara heard Kaidan ask rather irritatedly.

Liara felt guilty listening into the conversation, but she did not want to interrupt their dispute, and she was confused by Shepard's body language. She was no expert, but it appeared that if Shepard was angry, but also desperately wanting out of the situation she currently found herself in. She couldn't blame Shepard, she hated arguing with anyone outside of academics. She found it a pointless exercise, and the fights never contained any intelligent conversation.

"I am still in _command_ of this mission. I still have to lead all of you, and it is on me personally to end this. So yes, Kaidan, I have to shoulder all the weight."

Liara's heart nearly broke at what Shepard said. She understood the magnitude of the mission they were on, or at least she thought she did. She couldn't even imagine the pressure that Shepard found herself under, and almost all of her being wanted to throw herself at the human to take away some of the pain, to bring some joy to the person she cared about. She felt a small tear in her chest when she remembered that she could not.

Liara had become so consumed in her own thoughts that she almost missed Kaidan leaving the area. Liara contemplated walking through to get her food now, as she could feel her stomach grumbling, but decided against it as Shepard moved to a more relaxing position. Liara couldn't help but admire Shepard's physique, and her heart swelled at the peaceful expression that temporarily crossed the commander's face. _If only I could bring that look to her face_, she thought sadly to herself.

Liara decided that she should let Shepard relax, so she turned to go back into the med-bay. Unable to help herself, she cast one last glance at Shepard, and immediately blushed and felt her heart skip several beats before slamming into overdrive when she saw Shepard staring back at her. Embarrassed, she rushed into the med-bay, face flushed and suddenly feeling extremely hot. _Goddess, she probably thinks I am a, as humans say, 'creeper'._

Liara hurriedly made her way back to the science lab and closed the door swiftly behind her, and moved to sit at her desk. _Work, I need to work. Take my mind off of things. Shepard is with Kaidan, you must accept this_, she told herself, trying to get that stare out of her mind. She just opened the terminal when the door to the lab opened, Shepard standing at the entrance.

"Hey, Liara," Shepard said.

Liara immediately spun around, speechless. _Please, Goddess, do not let her be angry with me_. "Hello, Commander. Have you come to check up on me?" _You fool! Why would she be checking in on me? She just caught me spying on her, why would she want to check in on you?_ Liara didn't think it possible, but her cheeks turned an even deeper shade of purple and she began fidgeting, unable to handle herself.

"Something like that, yeah," Shepard replied. "I saw you in the mess, and I asked Chakwas and she said you haven't eaten today. Then I realized I haven't talked to you much, so I thought we could have lunch together and get to know each other."

Liara then looked down to see that Shepard had two trays of food in her hand. Confused, elated, and extremely nervous, she nodded. "I would like that," she replied. "You do not need to feel bad about talking to me much, you must be very busy tracking down Saren," she replied.

"Sometimes I forget that I need to take a break every now and again," Shepard responded back, setting down the trays and sitting down on a crate across from her. "Eat up", she said, digging into the food in front of her.

Hand slightly shaking, Liara picked up her fork and slowly began to eat some of the food. "Thank you for this, Commander, not many of the crew invite me to eat with them. I often finding myself eating alone in the mess."

Shepard gave her a strange look, but that was quickly replaced with a smile. "Well, anytime you want you can come find me and we can have lunch together," she said.

Liara couldn't help but smile, she enjoyed the thought of spending any time with Shepard and getting to know her. "I will do that, then. Thank you, Commander."

"Call me Shepard."

Liara smiled. "Thank you, Shepard," she repeated. "Is there anything in particular you would like to talk about? I am afraid I am not particularly good with people."

"Let's start with you telling me a bit about yourself," Shepard said with a smile.

* * *

Throughout their whole conversation, Shepard couldn't help but find the asari more and more attractive. She took every chance she could to glance at the asari, getting lost in her eyes whenever Liara would give her the chance, and eating up every word she was saying. She felt genuinely relaxed and _happy _around Liara, and the conversation was extremely natural between them.

As they continued to talk, she began to feel less and less guilty about her feelings toward the asari, and gradually forgot about Kaidan. Everything with Liara just felt right, and Shepard couldn't help herself and gradually made he way closer to the asari, until they eventually were side-by-side, talking about the various differences between their cultures. Shepard admired the asari's intelligence, and found conversation with her to be stimulating and enlightening. She had learned more in the past couple of hours than she had ever with Kaidan.

Shepard found herself wanting to take things further with the asari, but felt unsure of herself. She didn't want to offend Liara, nor did she want to face the asari's rejection. Perhaps she just felt like they were only good friends, and didn't think of her like that. Biting her lip, Shepard decided that she needed to know, so she made a move. Casually, while the two of them were talking, she slowly started to work in playful touches. She was apprehensive at first, but soon the asari seemed to be doing the exact same to her and all of her doubts were washed away.

As the conversation began to wind down, Shepard realized that they had been talking together for nearly seven hours. _How the hell. It barely felt like three hours. _At that instant, her mind was made up. She wanted to be with Liara, everything just felt right. Decided to further show her interest, Shepard placed her hand midway up Liara's thigh and looked her straight in the eyes. Liara immediately stiffened, and Shepard almost immediately began cursing herself for being stupid and attempted to withdraw her hand, when she felt Liara's hand catch hers and bring it back to her leg.

"Shepard..."

Liara found herself lost with Shepard, and most of her awkwardness washed away talking with the human. She found herself excited when Shepard began touching her, but she tempered herself as she knew that Shepard was in a relationship already, and that she was just being friendly. However, when Shepard's hand was on her thigh, everything went out of the window. It caught her off-guard and she stiffened, but kept Shepard's hand in place when she started to withdraw it. "Shepard..." she muttered softly.

"Yes, Liara?" Shepard asked, beginning to rub her thumb on her thigh.

Liara felt her breathing increase as Shepard began to rub her thigh, her heart beginning to slam against her chest. "I do not understand, I thought you were involved with Lieutenant Alenko?" she asked. She hated doing so, but she needed to know.

"Things... aren't working between him and I," Shepard replied. Liara watched as Shepard thought of what to say next, her body starting to shake from nerves and anticipation. "I just feel like there is something between us. It just feels natural."

Liara's heart nearly burst at the words Shepard was telling her, her head spinning from emotions. "I knew it!" she exclaimed, unable to control herself. "I knew you felt it too. But does it not seem strange? We have known each other for such a short time, but why do I feel so close to you?" Liara asked, feeling like she was walking on a cloud.

"I feel the same," Shepard breathed. Liara's heart skipped as Shepard suddenly pulled her close and leaned in close.

Liara didn't wait for the rest. She rushed forward and pressed her lips to Shepard's, enjoying the ecstasy of the feeling. She nearly bit down on Shepard's lip, resisting the urge to slip into a meld. Her head now completely spun, and she barely knew where she was. She could only see and feel Shepard, feel their lips locked together, and her heart crashing against her chest. After what seemed like an eternity, they separated and Liara found herself panting for breath. She couldn't help the giddy smile that crossed her face, she couldn't believe what had just happened to her.

"I'm guessing I have the same stupid smile you have on your face," Shepard commented, laughing.

Liara blushed, but giggled when she saw Shepard's grin. However, she was intensely aware of one lingering issue that this caused. "What happens now, with Lieutenant Alenko?"

"I'll handle him," Shepard told her. "As far as we go, we'll take it at whatever pace you are comfortable with."

Liara couldn't help but be pleased with this result. A part of her felt bad for Kaidan, but another part of her felt relieved that Shepard wanted her, and that they were now together. She felt completely lost at what to do, and was grateful for Shepard letting her control the pace. "I should let you get back to work, I have took up so much of your time. Perhaps we can have lunch again tomorrow?" Liara asked.

"You bet," Shepard replied, smiling. "Have a good night, Liara, see you tomorrow."

* * *

When Shepard had finally left, Liara collapsed back into her cot, her heart still beating hard. _Goddess, thank you_, Liara thought to herself. She had never been happier in her life, and could only see it getting better from here.

Shepard walked through the Normandy, a stupid grin on her face. She couldn't believe how amazing Liara was, and how she hadn't acted on it sooner. They shared so many similar views, and almost everything clicked between them. It was almost as if the two of them were made for each other. She rounded the corner, intending to find Kaidan, when she found him standing right before her, a furious look on his face.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to find you for the past hour," Kaidan said.

"I've been with Liara," Shepard replied truthfully.

"What do you mean, 'with Liara', Shepard?" he asked harshly.

Shepard shrugged. "I mean we're over, Kaidan. I've moved on." She felt that perhaps that was a bit harsh, but she needed to be clear with the man. He had a habit of twisting things to what he wanted to hear.

"You're leaving me for her?!" Kaidan asked, dumbfounded. "You barely even know her, Shepard. I thought we had a good thing going here!"

Shepard shook her head, not knowing what Kaidan had been looking at. "No, we didn't. I was happier talking to Liara for seven hours than I had even been with you," she said. At this point, she knew she was being cruel to the man, but she needed to vent her remaining frustrations with the man to get over everything completely.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me, Shepard," Kaidan said, hurt clear in his tone.

"I don't know what else to tell you, Kaidan. If you want off this ship, I understand," she said. She wouldn't be so mean as to force him to stay on a ship in a situation he didn't want to be in.

There was a long pause while Kaidan thought things over. Shepard had just decided to walk away when Kaidan shook his head. "No, if it's okay I'd rather stay on board. We started this together, I want to help see it through to the end," Kaidan said.

Shepard nodded her head, happy that Kaidan would be able to stay. While they didn't work out personally, on the battlefield they made a good duo, and she could never have too many biotics on her team. "I'm glad you're staying. I'm sorry things turned out this way." _Not really, but I'm not a complete bitch, either. _

Not wanting the awkward conversation to drag on any further, she patted him on the shoulder and walked to her quarters. After she closed the doors behind her, her _shepish_ grin came back to her. For the first time since she had been assigned the task of bringing down Saren, she felt weightless and free. _Perhaps I'm a horrible person for doing that to Kaidan, but I don't regret it. I'm finally happy_. With that, she kicked off her boots and headed off to bed. She couldn't wait to see what new experiences lunch would bring the next day.


End file.
